6 Powerful Skills that Enhance and Sustain Relationships

June 14, 2021 1474

The saying that any relationship is as healthy as the people in it is so true. Wonderful relationships don’t just happen; people work hard to make them happen. Very often people aspire to have wonderful relationships but are not aware of what it really takes to make it possible. If wishes suddenly become real, then all beggars will ride horses they own.

If you are one of those that are quick to list qualities you desire in a relationship, please stop now and ask yourself, how many of these qualities do I possesses? If it is a romantic relationship you are in or planning, you need to know that love is always not enough to build a strong sustainable relationship. Emotions and feelings have their downers but strength of character with its attendant skills are what sustains relationships.

Our relationship journey which starts from childhood and from our homes is the bedrock of all other relationships we will have in life. If one’s foundation is faulty then, the chances are one will carry it to all other relationships in later life. But the good news is that nothing in life is static, everything is subject to change. Only God is constant. The world we live in and life itself is dynamic and there are ample rooms for change; so no one remains with their faulty foundation all through life.

Transferable skills can be learnt and transferred as we journey through life, starting from our homes to schools, to work places and to all other relationships we will find ourselves in. All the skills needed to have and sustain an enviable relationship can be learnt if one is willing. Some of these skills are inherent and the ones one lack can be learned and relearned.

This post is all about letting you in on some of the skills. Your ability to hone these skills will be the best thing that ever happened to you. The challenge however lies in your ability to be patient with the people in your life that lack these skills till they are able to get the hang of it like you did. You can also be magnanimous enough to help them imbibe them as you live out these skills for them to emulate.

Here are some of the skills needed to have a healthy relationship.

1. Communication

The choice of communication as the first skill is intentional because it is to me the cord that binds all relationships together. Lack of proper/adequate verbal and non-verbal communication skills is the reason why most relationships fail. Perception is dangerous, for what you perceive without clarification could be wrong and damaging.

The ability to communicate your desires and expectations in any relationship is what makes for the strength and sustainability of that relationship. The skill to be learned here is not just voicing and demanding that your feelings and desires be met, but the way and manner in which you do them.

The why, what, when, where, how really really matters. If you lack tact the time to learn it is now. I remember my late senior brother telling me that the reason I was not able to get my husband to respond to my needs was my lack of tact. Needless to say, my humbled self-had to start learning the hard way I must say. Did it yield fruit?, off course it did and that is why am here publishing it.

Tact sure works, but when wrapped with love and kindness there is no foe it cannot take down. The three are a formidable ally that when deployed, deals and settles most relationship challenges.

Tact deals with what we have to say, where we say it, why we should or should not say it, when it is convenient to say it and how it should be said.
Chinwe Aganekwu

If everyone should take these five high-lighted words into consideration in all their converse, the world sure will be a better place to leave in. One must be mindful of what one says to others, for it is not so much of what you do but what you said that makes people feel so bad. At the root cause of most un-forgiveness lies spoken words. For what not to ever say to a friend, or anyone else for that matter, read more. https://fountainofresources.com/things-never-to-say-to-a-friend-be-careful-words-can-cost-you/

2. Presence and Attentiveness

This is closely related to communication skills. This is where you really listen. Absence in communication is prevalent in this era. It amazes me how you will be talking to people and they are busy looking at their phone and carrying on other conversation while you are talking to them. What is annoying is that when you call their attention to this, they tell you that they are listening but without the courtesy of looking up from their phones, very uncourteous indeed. This is a thing mostly with very young people and some adults too. People hardly can focus, nor do they pay attention due to so many distractions.

This lack of attentiveness and non-presence while communicating is the reason most relationships are failing. If you do not even get what is being communicated, how can you respond appropriately towards the issues raised. Please who really want their relationships to thrive, must learn to be present, listening attentively.

To do this, you ought to shut off all distracting thoughts or other goings on around and pay attention to who you are relating with. Learn to ask questions for clarification and please remember to always do a follow up concerning what was discussed, this shows you listened and cares. Never say what you do not mean nor promise things you cannot fulfill.

I love you mouthed means nothing if there is no corresponding action to back up the professed love. I’d rather someone be kind to me than tell me I love you a million times but will not come to my aid when I desperately need help.

Learn to be there for your friends, family or any other person you are in any kind of relationship with especially when they need you. let people you are in a relationship with feel your presence. Don’t keep disappearing and reappearing especially when you need things from them. It makes people feel used.

3. Conflict Resolution

Since we live in a fallen world with flawed human beings, we should not expect perfect anything. To engage in any relationship, you must know that conflicts are wont to happen, so you must be willing to resolve such conflicts. Conflict resolutions however ought to be done in a healthy way that leaves no damaging residues. It becomes pertinent therefore to resolve conflicts peacefully without compromising values and ethics. So know now that no matter how much you value any relations and desperately need and want peace, it is absolutely wrong to compromise godly values that you have imbibed all your growing up years while resolving conflicts.

It is equally important to know that it is very unhealthy to bottle up things. Emotional intelligence and good communication skill will have you address the issue with the why, what, where, when and how tact components. It is ok as a human to be angry, however it is what you do with the anger that matters. Just like the good book said in Ephesians

“…Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry”.
Eph 4:26 [NLT]

Bottled up anger is very dangerous to your health so learn to resolve it in a healthy way. Negotiation skills also come into play here. This too is a skill to Horne. I have seen people negotiate themselves out of situation others sink in.

Most times we assume that conflict is bad, but it is during conflict resolution exercises that people deal with most of their bottled up emotions and issues. These issues are the kind that when left unresolved lead to regrettable poor health and break-ups. You will agree with me that most relationships become smoother and sweeter once the conflicts are resolved. This is why you ought to be careful to resolve each conflict without damaging effects. Again I reiterate, always be mindful of what you say. Never say what you will not want, said to you.

4. Empathy and Compassion.

Always treat other people as you would want them to treat you. Oxford dictionary defines empathy as ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another’. This is not sympathy which is ‘feeling of being sorry for someone’. Empathy moves you to compassion where you are compelled to act to alleviate the suffering or challenges of the person. This is learning to be a burden bearer so that the people you are in a relationship with can count on you to be there for them through thick and thin. When you are empathic you place yourself in the person’s situation and do for the person, what you would want the person to do for you if the situation were reversed.

5. Commitment.

No relationship can stand the test of time without commitment from all parties. People commit to staying in a relationship. And when the ingredients of honesty, love and transparency are added, trust is built and those involved reap the fruit of happiness and longevity in friendship or marriage. Most relationships weaken and finally die for lack of commitment. No matter what the challenges are; once people that are in a relationship commit to staying and working things out, they eventually learn to resolve most of their challenges and enjoy the fruit of their patience and hard work. Being present and attentive is equally key here.

6. Appreciation and Encouragement

Appreciation is a very powerful skill. Gratitude is a key that opens so many doors and it sure does open the heart for more love. Appreciating and encouraging one another builds confidence and promotes hard work. When one is appreciated for any good done, it empowers the person to do even more. Showing gratitude to God is one skill I was taught growing up and it has done wonders for me. If God can appreciate a thankful heart how much more humans. A lot of people loose so much for lack of this skill.

There are so many other skills that enhance relationships like teamwork. Flexibility, problem solving abilities and others.

Lastly I will use a car to paint a picture of what relationship skills are like.

love is the car engine and Commitment the battery without which the car will not start. Communication is the steering wheel that steers the car while Presence and Attentiveness are the tyres that aid the movement of the car. Empathy is the radiator full of water that cools the car and stops the car from over-heating and Compassion is the Fuel that supplies the energy the car needs to move. Appreciation is the gear that helps the car to run better and faster and Conflict Resolution is the oil that prevents the car from packing up. The car obviously cannot work without any of the mentioned skills. This is akin to any relationship, no wander friendships are crumbling and divorces rampant.

Like I said before there are so many other skills that enhance and promote healthy and loving relationships.

Your contribution as the reader is to find out these other skills as they make up the nuts and all other parts of the car/relationships. As we assemble all these other components and ingredients needed to have a functional car, we will then have the skills needed for a near perfect relationship. Note that I said near for there is no perfect relationship as no man is perfect. You are also free to disagree with my arrangement and do a better one as am not an engineer, Hahaha

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