Lifestyle

Why you should not take nor give Offence

May 4, 2023 1582

“An offence is a crime that breaks a particular law and requires a particular punishment”. Defining an offence as a variable noun you get this; a behaviour which causes people to be upset or embarrassed. As you see from the first definition, if the law punishes offence then people who will not resort to the law will find a way to punish whoever offends them. Let’s take a closer look at offence then.

The word of God that readily comes to mind concerning offence is Luke 17:1-2. As I read this scripture again I was moved to read the entire chapter. A deeper revelation of what the Lord was trying to say about not giving or taking offence came to me. It simply altered the way I had intended to approach this article.

Lately I have been looking at offence with a keen interest. It just seems like everywhere one goes offence abounds. Taking a closer look at every scenario I simply cannot decipher why people just make a mountain of a mole hill and ride on it to demean others. They just take offence at anything that does not suite their feelings.

I decided to research the word offence and what I found and unearthed was huge. From psychology to studies and researches done by experts, to individual perspectives on why

People take offence and act the way they do. Some of the reasons posited for offence are as follows.

Self Esteem Issue: – Research has found that we tend to get offended when our self-image or a public image that is important to us is being challenged. this is in part because our ego likes to feel “right” or “in charge”.
Superiority Complex – Pride. This feeling make people treat others in a condescending manner
Misunderstanding and misrepresentation of one’s motives or intentions- Jumping to conclusions. When we take time to look deeply at the reasons behind another person’s words or actions we often find their motives to be quite different from the ones we quickly assumed.
Focusing on aggravations and negative things
Not listening attentively to people as they talk
Impatience – no time to processes information critically
Dragging past negative incidents to every similar circumstance
Sticking to only your opinion on issues without accommodating the opinion of others especially over race, tribe, religion, language, gender, age, social status, association/affiliations
Self-centeredness
Controlling and bullying tendencies
Touchiness
Bias and prejudice [Culture, Religion, Tribe, Associations etc
Un-forgiveness
Not thinking clearly
Misplaced aggression – stressors at work, home, etc
Lack of clarification from the object of your offence
Not checking your thoughts that reinforce offences
Spontaneity

Looking at the above unexhausted reasons why people take offence you will agree with me that every one of us are susceptible to one or more. I have realized that the best way to solve any problem is to address the root cause of that problem. Our Lord Jesus is the wisdom of the world and what better way to get to the root cause of offence but to glean on the wisdom posited by Him.

I will like us to look intensely at what the Lord said about offence in Luke 17 and how he connected it to subject matters that might seem unconnected to us. Matters like forgiveness, faith, hard work and dedication and commitment to duty beyound delegated ones, gratitude, God’s kingdom and preparedness for the day of rapture which is actually the day the Lord calls us home. The depth of the wisdom of God is unimaginable and I am so privileged for the insight I gleaned in the above scripture.

In verse 1 of luke 17 the Lord Himself knowing man, admits that it is impossible for offence not to come. The real issue however is how to either prevent it from coming or how to deal with it when it does come. As complex as we humans are, it is obvious we will step on each other’s toes from time to time. It beholds us then to learn how to manage issues that we are confronted with daily from interacting with one another.

The Lord however warns that we should not be the object of the offence for the challenges we will encounter in this life through offences will be deadly. I personally can attest to the fact that the more one stays away from offending or being offended the more smoothly one’s life will run. Minding one’s business and not interfering in people’s lives is the surest way to be safe from offence. How possible is this you might be asking? It is dear, if you consciously purpose to never be the reason anybody is ill-treated through words or actions.

The consequences of offence lasts more than any one’s life time. Some spiral uncontrollably moving from one generation to another. Instances abound in the bible and am sure around you over generational feuds caused by mismanaged offences. The Lord Himself said that in verse 2 of Luke 17 that “It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones”. This is talking about the one through whom offence will come. This my dear people is how dangerous it is to be the cause of any offence.

I have a friend that once told me that he prays daily that God will not allow him meet anyone who if he offends will not be able to forgive him. He told me that whoever will not forgive you will plan to hurt you some time in life. I too started praying that prayer, asking God to forgive me for any wrong I did consciously or unconsciously and asking Him to let the people I have offended find it in their hearts to also forgive me. You too I think should join in. Since we are not perfect, the chances are at one point or the other we will step on others toes and so will they. We must therefore learn to forgive one another.

The world we live in is a very complicated one with the human species trumping the complexities. Every one of us comes packaged differently, expressing themselves and carrying on the best way we know how. Factors that come to play in every persons’ behavior are just too numerous. Starting from personality traits to family background, environment, custom, religion etc.

According to NSW Health in their article titled factors that can affect health, summed up reasons people act the way they do. Factors affecting people’s behavior they said includes:

Physical factors – age, health, illness, pain, influence of a substance or medication
Personal and emotional factors – personality, beliefs, expectations, emotions, mental health
Life experiences – family, culture, friends, life events
What the person needs and wants.

Behaviour they also said is affected by the context, including:

What is happening at the time
The environment – heat, light, noise, privacy
The response of other people, which is affected by their own physical factors, personal and emotional factors, life experiences, wants and needs.

What this means is that before we respond to people we have to consider a range of factors in order to understand their behavior including their personal response and role.

I am so sure that Jesus Christ must have thought about all these factors and believed that we especially Christians have to know all the above and so consider every person’s reason for acting the way they do so we can be more emphatic as we deal. This enables us process every situation better and be able to not take nor cause offence. Looking at the lessons Christ thought with His life and words we will see how it is that He always put into consideration every person’s situation before addressing them or responding to them. He also looks at the weaknesses of others and expects them to know better and so deal kindly. The story of the woman caught in adultery readily comes to mind.

The Scribes and the Pharisees testing Jesus so they can have something against Him asks Him saying

“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her, they were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
John 8:1-11

The Lord is here saying that none of us especially Christians are perfect. Before we judge others or take offence, we must first take a very close look at ourselves. He emphatically states that offences will come seeing we are in a fallen world. In James 3:2 He points to the source of many of offences which is the words we speak. “For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body”. Most offence comes from spoken words.

Words are like daggers that stab at people’s hearts and like Maya Angelou said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. That is just it, even if the words you spoke are forgotten the way it made people feel is the one they will always remember and plan their revenge against you. Most of the time it is that attack at people’s self-esteem and pride that they always take offence at. We must all then be extra careful about what we say, how we say and to whom we say.

If offence comes mostly from spoken words, then we should bridle our tongue like the good book said. The admonishing in James 3:1-12 should be what should guide our dealing with words. If we can copy and paste this scripture where we are reminded of how dangerous our mouth and words can be if not bridled, it will make a lot of difference in the outcome of our dealings with people. If you pause to consider each word you speak before speaking you will hardly err.

Looking at Luke 17:1-2 one sees what the response of the disciples were when Jesus told them about what will behold anyone through whom offence will come. Seeing how unworthy they all were and they cried out for help asking Him to increase their faith. Its like Lord please help not to be the cause through who any manner of offence will come to you or anyone for that matter. Jesus then went deeper to explain to them some of the things that bring offence. Assumptions, feelings of entitlement, inability to go an extra mile for their earthly masters and for the issues of the kingdom of God. He talked about people not taking things for granted and being grateful for all that they have received from God. Forgiveness was also part of His lessons in living for when one forgives easily one hardly gives room for offence.

Matters like forgiveness, faith, hard work and dedication and commitment to duty beyound delegated ones, gratitude, God’s kingdom and preparedness for the day of rapture which is actually the day the Lord calls us home were all summed up in this brief passage of the bible. It was an incredible revelation of how all linked to offence. Help us dear God like the disciples asked, I ask also for all reading this that you help us not to be the object of any kind of offence and may offence be so far from us too. Please try and read Luke 17 and James 3. Awesome lessons in living. Enjoy your life and be grateful and forgiving always.

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