5 Strong reasons why you must work on having friends

December 17, 2020 306

You might be justified for giving up on any attempt at making friends, but the benefits of having good friends far out weights your valid justifications. Strong ties of friendship have proven to be the best investment any one can make here on earth. If you have been around isolated people their feelings of loneliness are like thick clouds hanging over them. Human experience especially of those who lived or are living isolated lives have shown that we grow better in families and other community affiliations. Living life in isolation robs you of the power and strength you can have with others. So many research has shown that lonely people are prone to so many health challenges, but spending time with friends elevates mood and fights off depression and other negative vices.

Human lives are inter-woven. We all need each other. I just love the lyrics of Barbra Streisand’s popular song titled ‘People’ which says “People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world”. And like Dr Henry Cloud said “Neediness is the highest stance for humankind, for that’s where God and others can meet us. Only from a humble place of need can we receive and be filled”

1.  So let us drop our guards and pride and go out there and connect with other like-minded humans.

In my first post some of the reasons for not having friends were:

  1. One’s make up from birth
  2. Family make up
  3. Low self –esteem and fear of rejection
  4. Disabilities and disorders
  5. Lack of social and relational skills
  6. Not enough time
  7. Trust Issues
  8. Materialism

Though these reasons and many others not mentioned are plausible but they should not stop any one from making and sustaining strong friendships. Recently I just connected with over 20 classmates I lost contact with over 30 years ago. We created a WhatsApp group and have been going down memory lane and laughing our hearts out. A lot of people are lonely and isolated for fear of being hurt again because of their past experience. But just like a proverb in my place says, ‘will people who are at war not go out to fight because of fear of being killed. Our past hurts should never get in the way of our future happiness.

A lot of people are so stressed and bent over because they have no one to relieve them of some of the stress they are under. The fact that you have someone to share your burden with makes it less burdensome. Having a strong support system of family and friends is one of the greatest gift any one can have from God. We grow better in families and other community affiliations. Alone is not so cool and have a lot of disadvantages.  It is scary to know that Loneliness acts as a fertilizer for other diseases.

As Dr. Cole said.’ “The biology of loneliness can accelerate the buildup of plaque in arteries, help cancer cells grow and spread, and promote inflammation in the brain leading to Alzheimer’s disease. Loneliness promotes several different types of wear and tear on the body ”. Dr Cole is a director of the Social Genomics Core Laboratory at the University of California, Los Angeles and his NIA-funded research focuses on understanding the physiological pathways of loneliness (the different ways that loneliness affects how your mind and body function) and developing social and psychological interventions to combat it’. 2

Here are some of the reasons why you should have friends in your life.

  1. Friends promote good health. Having friends means you get to have people to do so many things with. You visit one another and hang out together. You share in one another’s joy and sorrow. As you laugh and cry together with your friends, you bond together. You also receive the therapeutic healing effect that comes with un winding and being there for one another. Friends help you cope with stress, emotional or physical trauma. The more you are involved in the life of others, the more your mood gets lifted and you know you are never alone in this world.

Research has shown that happiness is contagious with friends. One study of high school students found that those who were depressed were twice as likely to recover if they had happy friends. Kids were also half as likely to develop depression if their friends had a “healthy mood.” 3. This is more so with adults who really need a support system in a world full of challenges. When you know that there are people or even one person who is there for you, and that you can count on, you are never left without comfort.  This good feeling of having someone or people in your life, is so key to good health.

  • Friends help you succeed in life. Do you know that there is a correlation to financial success and friendship or social networks? Friends watch out for one another’s success because they all benefit from each other’s success. Most business opportunities I have enjoyed have always been passed on to me by friends. Friends tend to know each other’s strength and weakness and so encourage one another to pursue carrier part ways that they have inbuilt ability and passion for. Friends support one another and never allow themselves fall so low they cannot get up and keep up. They are there for each other through thick and thin. Good friends will help you set goals and work with you to achieve them. True friends are worth having so step out in faith and let your head and heart guide you to your true friends.
  • Friends enhance your confidence and boast your self-esteem.  There are times one’s self-esteem and confidence is at a very low ebb, but good friends easily spot that and help one bounce back fast.  Such friend’s help point out all the hidden treasures inside you as well as praise you for all that you have achieved so far in life. These friends always reassure you any time you are in doubt of who you really are and what you have the capacity and ability to accomplish. They help you find your purpose in life and keep you focused so you do not derail. They go an extra mile to enhance your self-worth and keep you connected socially and otherwise.
  • Friends help build and sustain healthy behavior.  Good friends influence you behaviorally. They help you make life style changes that positively impact your life. Good friends watch your back. They are quick in noticing any unhealthy habit you have picked up and are quick to not only point it out but follow up on you till you drop it. Friends help you stick with plans you have towards improving your personality be it weight loss plans or staying positive in the midst of challenges.  They are there to keep you on the right track because your success means so much to them. When one fails others feel the impact of the fall and same with success.   
  • Friends are an assurance you will not be alone at old age.  When you come to the age where your nest is empty because your children are grown and have started their own families, you have the support of friends to help you fight feelings of loneliness. Building a support group of old school mates and other associations is good but having one or more close friends has more impact in your life because they are the ones you can truly count on to be there for you. “Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease” 4. People with friends in old age will most likely not suffer from most of these diseases.

Just the other day a friend was telling me how an aged aunt of his who is very wealthy was talking about being better off dead. So I asked why? He said the lady’s husband had died and she is lonely. Most of her kids live abroad and the only one around probably does not spend quality time with her. So I asked, if she does not have people helping her out. No he says, rather she has a retinue of servants at her beck and call. So it happens that with all the cash to meet her needs and enough servants at her beck and call, she misses one true friend by her side to help her feel truly loved and cared for. We all need love and the earlier we begin to cultivate and nurture lasting friendships the better it will be for us in the long run. So money after all does not solve all of life’s problems. 

  1. Dr Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal- How to understand your past to ensure a healthier Future. Zondervan Publishing House, 1990, pg 69
  2. https://www.semel.ucla.edu/cousins/team/steve-cole
  3. Hill EM, Griffiths FE, House T. Spreading of healthy mood in adolescent social networks. Proc Biol Sci. 2015;282(1813):20151180. doi:10.1098/rspb.2015.1180
https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks
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