7 Patterns that tells you It’s Time to Walk away from that Friendship/Relationship.

The long man dictionary of contemporary English defines pattern as “ The regular way in which something happens, develops, or is done”. Every relationship has a pattern, some are either good, bad or a mixture of both. If you are in a relationship that gat you drained of every positive energy inside and you are wandering what next. The time to intently look at the pattern your relationship has taken over time is now . To some of us these, patterns have been consistently there whether good, bad or both, but we keep thinking they will change, instead, they get worse.

These are things you have always tried to sort out with your beau. You have asked nicely, begged and even threatened to do something about them but nothing seems to have been done about any. Now you are crying to God asking Him to intervene before you loose it; but instead of the change you crave, more terrible demeaning patterns are added to the ones you have been coping with. In the time past when you point them out, you get promises that they are being work; but lately you no longer get even the anoughing promises but defiant excuses, sometimes deadly silences and recently sneers that says to hell with your nagging and your weak threats of leaving.

Time flies, its time to redeem the miss-spent ones

My dear, when it gets to this stage, it’s time to make good your threat of leaving. But before you do, see if the patterns in your relationship matches the ones below and please add the ones you experience that are not listed here at the comment session below.

These are Some of the Unsettling Patterns. 

1. Lies.

The lies are becoming more brazen that each new one makes you feel like an idiot. Yes, they leave you feeling idiotic instead of the liar that should. Pathological liars do eventually begin to believe their lies are true; but you who knows better, feel really bad and taken for a fool. The more the lies, the more inconsistent the actions. It’s like being nibbled to death. This could wear you out and almost drive you insane over time.

2. Value Change

The only unifying force between you which is your strong belief in God or ethical values suddenly disappears and new values crop up. Such that irks you and gets you wandering what went wrong. You begin to wander, if this is the same person you met and fell in love with. If you do not run for your dear life at this stage, you soon will start compromising and before you know it, you are no longer who you are but who he or she has become. This change normally starts with subtle curse words you have not heard before, to disappearing of courtesies and some other values that you once admired and shared. Attempts to right these errors are always excused away or damn right repudiated.

3. Lack of Trust.

Incessant bouts of jealousy and moves to control your speeches, actions and movements. Barrages of calls to check where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. Plans and moves to isolate you from your friends, family and colleagues follow, till this person is the only person you are left to relate with. From here on be careful because abuses of all kinds will be gently introduced till you loose your entire identity. Without the support of friends and family, you have no one to go to with your issues and so remain stuck and glued to this person who systematically caged you in.

4. Stagnation

The relationship seems to be going nowhere especially if you are single and hoping for some commitment. Any talk about the future is shelved and down played so much that you feel inadequate and shamed for mentioning it again.  Is it not time to move dear, if you are shamed by the response you get instead of desperately hanging on and waiting. Women should wise up here and stop offering all the wifely duties free while expecting men to commit. Why would a man want to commit when he is already getting all he ought to have been working so hard to get, free?.This quote by Treant Shelton says it all.

5. No Empathy

At this stage, your partner no longer cares to say sorry when you are hurting. You can stumble onto something and scream out and he or she does not even run to your aid or even say sorry. Cruelty sets in here and you cry yourself to sleep, wandering what happened to all the dreams you had about how this love affair will end wonderfully. Well, wake up dear for it only gets terrible from now on.  

6. No more Good Times.

The bad times are now more than the good times. Any time you look back for months you will not point at any conscientious time made by your beau to put a smile on your face. All you remember are the lies, the hurtful words, treatments and there seem to be no end to them lately. All your efforts to right these wrongs, yields no positive result. Two days ago, a friend just me a video of a lady telling women to stop complaining or asking their men to change. They hear you she said but are not interested in changing for you. Few months down the line, she continued, they meet who they want to be with and they change and start doing all you have always wanted them to do for you. Whaoo, it’s not fair I screamed and so do you reading now. But such is life.

7. Physical and verbal violence.

This to me is the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. You must know that once this starts, it never stops. The intensity and frequencies only heightens till you are either finally subdued or run for your dear life. Statistical data on death caused by violence against women all over the world is mind blowing.

A recent United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime [UNODC] report on gender –related killings of women and girls found that globally, a staggering 87,000 women were intentionally killed in 2017.The report further stated that even more worrying is that 60% of these killings were perpetrated by intimate partners or family members including parents, children or any other member of their family. This number must have doubled by 2021 if accurate data is available for Africa and Nigeria in particular.

Concluding

With the above data you no-longer need further convincing that your life is worth more than emotional pains that will wear away with time. Life is important and with time and hope you will get better. I like that saying that “The Beautiful Ones are not yet Born”.

Yes that special beautiful person you desire is out there and you have to believe that you are just few people away from meeting him or her.

You might be saying, she does not know how much time, emotion and resources I have invested into this relationship and to let all that go?, Well, you are right, I might not know all that you have invested, but I tell you now that if the span of time you have spent with this person does not equate with the strength of your friendship now, it is time to reevaluate.

What really counts is how secure, happy and appreciated you are now, and not then. Now, dear now.

And how about tomorrow. What do you envisage five, ten years ahead, do you see things getting better or worse. We always know these things, but keep wishing away the obvious bad situation. It’s time to snap out of it. Once again like my daughter said, in a world of over 6 billion people, God will help you find a suitable companion. Act on your gut instinct that keeps telling you it’s time to move on and do just that. Bravo on your new exploit on life I wish you God’s speed as you go in search of a deserving beau, friend or spouse.

You can also read this post, a sequel to this one. https://fountainofresources.com/3-reason-you-must-let-go-off-that-ghoster-and-move-on/  

Do like, comment and share after reading. God Bless you.