The saying that it is only a mad person that keeps doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is so true. If you have not been able to have lasting fulfilling relationships, the time to pause and ask your-self very hard questions has come. There are basic facts that you need to ginger you to act now. One of such facts is that a stressful turbulent relationship or marriage can increase your risks of coronary heart disease?
According to a 2000 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, it was revealed that women who reported moderate to severe marital strain were 2.9 times more likely to need heart surgery, suffer heart attacks or die of heart disease than women without marital stress.
This finding might also be true for men. If this situation applies to you, know you certainly deserve better and can have a good life again. Time to change the narrative has come. The why tree questioning technique will really help you to decipher the root cause of your relational challenges or others. For more on the why tree questioning technique you can click and learn more on this link.https://www.intrahealth.org/opq/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Five-Whys-Technique.pdf
The following tips will help you reorganize and be better prepared to launch out again especially if your break-up happened recently.
- Stop all Communications.
You must stop all communication with your ex especially if he or she is the one that worked out. And If you were ghosted, to make progress you must stop communicating with the ghoster. You must never pleasure a ghoster by calling him or her consistently after it is obvious you have been ghosted. For more on ghosting please click on this linkhttps://fountainofresources.com/3-reason-you-must-let-go-off-that-ghoster-and-move-on/. This fuels their ego and drains you of any strength you need to stay focused in rebuilding your life. Same goes for long unhealthy toxic relationship that have grounded to an end, yet you are still hoping and wishing it continues so it can end as you have always dreamed it will. But life does not always give us all we desire and God certainly knows what is best for us and will have us wait till His own best comes our way. The time to let this go has come so you can redeem all the lost time instead of losing more. You must have made many mistakes in the past, choosing the wrong partners, that is part of life, but not taking the varied opportunity life presents to choose better is a major mistake.
2. The God Factor
Ask God for help with dealing with the pain, healing and moving forward. You must learn how to let the principle of God’s truth and grace drive your life. Truth is that as free moral agents; God has given every one of us the freedom to choose who we want to be with. So if any one leaves you, he or she is certainly free to go. It now beholds you to move on amidst the pain and disappoint of unaccomplished desires. You must let go of the past and start living in the present time which is now. You must be ready to embrace this change that has foisted itself on you. Honestly if you can comprehend the fact that everything in life is subject to change, you will be better prepared to deal with change when it shows up in your door step. God alone dear is constant.
This is the time to go to God in prayers for help. Be it for strength to deal with the heart aches, pain, loneliness or for the will power to resist calling and begging who left to come back. It can also be for help from Him to find a more suitable and comparable partner that will stay and till death do both of you path. Most times we run off looking for who to pour our hearts to or ask counsel of, while God is up there wishing that we can come to Him first.
I like how Jennifer Benson Schuldt put it.
“When we face desperate circumstances, we tend to look to other people for guidance and comfort. They are in the same boat, however – lost in an ocean of life’s ups and downs. Only God is outside the boat, sovereign, stable, and strong enough to calm the storms. Facing trouble? Call on him!”
As you pray ask God to help you deal with all unmet desires that has kept you sad for too long. Ask for grace so that these unmet desires do not continue to take away your joy. Ask for strength to end the pity party and forge on. Oh how I pity partied; telling who ever could give me an ear to offload my anger and anguish when my marriage collapsed. At the end of every such tale party, I was simply left, sapped of energy and even shamed for the empathy I desired from those I poured my heart out was just not there. But as I began to turn more to God for help His word began to sooth my pains and frayed nerves.
The Bible says it all.
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:16 [NKV].
Each time I meditate on the above scripture I marvel at the love of God for man. We all know how tedious and frustrating it is to see mere men in positions of office not to talk about having audience with Presidents and Prime Ministers of Nations. But the Almighty, the Supreme and most Powerful God who owns the whole Earth grants us free and unimpeded access to his throne, where we can obtain His Mercy, Grace and Favour at all times and all things. Why are we then not approaching through prayers, why are we so far away from this loving God, who is able to do so much more than what we can ever wish or desire. We must stop being afraid of approaching God because of our sins. If He died for us while we were deep in sins, is it now that we have accepted Him and are willing to do right by Him that He will not answer our cries for help. We however ought to approach Him with reverence, with our hearts full of gratitude, praise and worship for His undeserving love, grace and favour.
I like the way Bill Crowder put it.
“There is nothing ordinary about access to God, yet sometimes we take this privilege for granted. He is almighty God, but is also our father who loves us and allows us to call on Him at any moment of any day. Now extraordinary!”.
Bill Crowder
And I say now is the time to press in and receive freely from God. Just come as you are and He is willing to answer you.The Bible also said in 3 John 1:2 [KJV]
“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” 3 John 1:2 [KJV]
The owner of the universe wants us, especially His beloved children to have everything it takes to live a fulfilled life. Most time people are stuck in a damaging relationship simply because of fear that they might not find another person as good as what they think they have. This feeling is even worse when it has been a very long relationship. But God tells you not to fear.
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.” Isa 41:10 [NLT].
Like Dennis Fisher said.
“In facing our fears and struggles, It’s vital that we yield totally to God. When we do, God can use our problems as an avenue for His power.”
Dennis Fisher
Just trust God Let go and he will fix all you cannot fix on your own.
3. learn the Skills on How to Engage in Future Relationships.
Any successful relationship thrives on learned and practiced skills. It is quite unfortunate that the two most important curriculums that ought to be woven compulsorily into every school system from nursery to tertiary level is not there at all.
- The First is learning how to relate with people; from [Parental/Kids Relationships to Siblings, Friends, Relatives, Peers, Colleagues, Business Associates, Superiors, Law Enforcement Authorities, etc].
- The Second one is how to choose who to marry and remain married to.
People enter into these relationships without the required skills and so fail woefully most times. The other day a friend was marshalling out the qualities his woman must have or he is not dealing. So I gently and nicely asked him what he was bringing to the relationship in line with what he desired. He started laughing. I had to let him see that he too has to bring in all that he wants so that he will have a near perfect relationship, otherwise he will simply be chasing the wind. This is because;
Any relationship is as healthy, enjoyable and stable as the people in it. No single person brings all that is needed to make it work, both ought and must contribute their part to the success of their dream happily ever after lives.
Some of the relational skills to learn or hone include but not limited to the following;
- Effective Communication
- Spiritualty [building intimate relationship with God]
- Team work
- Honesty and Transparency
- Accountability
- Art of Gratitude
- Space [Alone or me time]
- Financial Management
- Time Management
- Stress Management
- Wellness
- Self-Awareness
- Conflict Resolution [Fighting Fair]
- Staying connected and being affectionate
- Empathy
- Emotional intelligence etc
Please do not miss my next post because I will be discussing these very important skills to help you enhance your relationships not just with your significant other but with all other relationships in your life.
Do not miss part two of this topic as it is the glue that binds all we have been talking about here.
Watch out also for the next post because I will be discussing some of the core skills that will help you enhance your relationship not just with your significant other but with other people in your life.
Like, comment and share/ Thank you for your time.
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