What to do Differently If You Have Been Having Too Many Break-Ups [Part 2]

Do you know that going through too many breakups might be terrible for your health than staying single? A British study published in 2004 in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health found that living through multiple partnership transitions, such as divorces and separations, adversely affected women’s mental health. The researchers studied 2,127 men and 2,303 women, and found that women who went through several such breakups tended to have worse mental health than women who remained single all their lives. For more on how relationships affects your health, https://www.livescience.com/35469-5-ways-relationships-are-bad-for-your-health.html,

The uncertainty of letting go and moving on is what keeps many trapped in unhealthy relationships but moving from one relationship to another too fast is also not advisable. Continuing this conversation from part one, here are more tips to help you make better choices and rebuild your life. Wishing you the best.

  1. Have a Strong Support System

David McCasland, writing in ‘Our Daily Bread’ of April 14th of 2014, summed up the need for a strong supportive community of Christians and it’s importance.

For year’s scientists have wondered how fire ants whose bodies are denser than water can survive floods that should destroy them. How do entire colonies form themselves into life rafts that can float for weeks?  ‘A Los Angeles Times’ article explained that engineers from the Georgian Institute of Technology discovered that tiny hairs on the ants’ bodies trap air bubbles. This enables thousands of the insects which flounder and struggle in the water as individuals, to ride out the flood when they cling together. The New Testament speaks often of our need to be connected to other followers of Christ in order to survive and grow.

‘The whole body, joined and knit together …causes growth of the body, for the edifying of itself in love’. Eph 4: 1-16 [KJV]

“Alone, we sink, but clinging and growing together in the Lord, we can ride out every storm. Let’s stick together! “.

“Alone, we sink, but clinging and growing together in the Lord, we can ride out every storm. Let’s stick together!”

David McCasland

It is therefore pertinent that you seek out and join a strong support system of friends and possibly family. If you are fortunate to find and join a true supportive community full of acceptance, kindness, warmth, with members getting together often and doing fun things, you will be back on your feet, healing and living your life again.

A multi-ethnic group of adults are attending a group therapy session. The attendees are seated in a circle. A senior black woman is sharing her struggles with the group. A mixed-race young woman rests her arm on the woman’s back, expressing comfort and support.

Finding and relating with a community of believers also will make life so much bearable and livable and who knows if your comparable partner is just a seat or a walk away there.  Cultivating a relationship with God is very key as it helps you relate better. In this forged relationship with God you should ask God for help especially for the gift of strong supportive friends and family. ‘The bible tells us that

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ”Jas 1:17 [NIV]

It then means that without Him we might never really get the kind of friend or spouse/kids that brings us peace and joy. So go ahead and ask God dear, for He sure will answer.

2. Rest.

Take a break from further relationships and heal. You must give your self-time to rest from all the wrong toxic affairs or relationships of past years. Clear your head. Get to know you again as the core of your being might have been compromised. Rediscover who God intended you to be and work on being just that. The first step might seem arduous but if you persist most things will fall into place, giving you the courage to keep pressing on.  God Himself told us to “be still and know that He is God” Ps 46:10. You must cooperate with God who considers rest very key to our well-being that He built it into the rhythm of our lives. Without this rest, we hastily jump from one bad relationship to another. If that keeps happening we will never see clearly and will not be emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy to engage with others and even ourselves.

As you take this rest you must try to allow God work in you even as you analyze why you end up with toxic people. You should also know that as you take this rest, pain will show up and you must go cold turkey for no anesthesia will be provided. You cannot run off with just anybody that comes along to chase or numb the pain away for then you will fall back into the same pattern you have been trying to exit from. Stay put and ask God for help to overcome. Find good books that have treated all that you are going through and read relationship blogs and articles especially from godly writers for guide on how to carry on. The bible and Christian books will do you a world of good. Surrendering your life to the Lord will help make this walk so much easier. To do that simply click on this link. http://1. Sinners prayer link- https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/the-sinners-prayer-4-examples.html.

You must know that this rest is an essential ingredient to your personal growth and when you are done with the rest,

“Be careful then, how you live –not as unwise, but as wise making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil” Eph 5:15 [KJV].

I really like the way the Bible summed this up and I wish you God’s speed, grace and favour as you engage again after the much needed rest, but wisely and cautiously this time. As you do please involve your head and not just your heart. Tara


  1. Don’t Quit, rather Determine to have what you Desire

This stanza of the song ‘The Boxer’ by Simon and Garfunkel floated into my mind as I write this. This timeless, beautiful masterpiece of a song, always sounds mysterious and has this tint of sadness to it, yet it is indeed a triumphant song to me. It goes like this: –

“In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
of every glove that laid him down
And cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains, he still remains’’

Simon and Garfunkel

This boxer despite all the beaten he had taken refuses to quit, yes he remained, a true fighter indeed. So should you too. Many people give up after several bad dating or marital experiences. Some have sworn not to date or marry again and have turned to recluses, isolated, bitter, untrusting and angry at the world especially at the gender that brought them pain.

An article in “Business Insider Africa” titled ‘11 Signs your old relationship is affecting your current one’ has this to say. “In romantic relationships, people can sometimes repeat behaviours to make up for the falls of their previous ones. In psychology this is called repetition compulsion, and it essentially means you’re trying to fix the past by pursuing similar situations or people who once hurt you”.  To know if your old relationships still affect your new or current one check the 11 signs using this https://africa.businessinsider.com/lifestyle/11-signs-your-old-relationships-are-affecting-your-current-one/m072fk5#:~:text=In%20romantic%20relationships%2C%20people%20can,people%20who%20once%20hurt%20you. .

The information from this link will help you deal with the issue raised here.

4. Know you can have a Good Life after all

You need to know and believe and repeat to yourself daily that you are cool, yes so cool. Know  that you sure can make an incredibly good life out of this seemingly ugly situation.

So again I say trust me, but wait a bit, who am I that you should trust me, so I say ‘TRUST GOD’ whose words never fail.See what God through the Prophet Joel said to the beaten, run down, and enslaved Israelites who constantly disobeyed Him. 

 “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you”. in Joel 2:25 [KJV]

Through prophet Isaiah we also learnt that God consoles and comforts those that mourn in Zion.

Isaiah 61:3[KJV] “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified”.

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/the-sinners-prayer-4-examples.html. If you want to be a citizen of Zion, please follow this link and do just that  . Your life can seem ugly now but the light of the world, Jesus can make you beautiful again. God wants to use you to show forth His glory. He promises you beauty for all the ashes life threw at you. So let Him do just that by surrendering your life to him. Healing always starts when we all come to our wits end and roll everything over to God. With a repentant heart and a will to do things God’s way, God takes over the driving seat of your life and helps you succeed in your next relationship and other endeavors.


friend running with fireworks on a beach afer sunset

My final word then is: –

Never let anyone, you or even the devil dampen your enthusiasm nor step on your self-esteem. Simply knowing that God loves you and that you are the apple of His eyes settles it. Stay strong; keep faith and hope alive.

The joy of the Lord is yours, You rock.

Loads of good music and laughter highly recommended

Be cool and like, comment and share.

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255 Comments

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