#Self Conversation – About time you start talking with you

February 7, 2023 1189

Do you ever talk to your-self or with yourself?. Many people believe that people who talk to themselves are loonies; But do you know that there are so many health benefits to conversing with your-self. Well I know because living alone for years have thought me to always talk with myself. How very refreshing it is when am done calling me by my name, Chinwe and chastise me for messing up. When I call myself out like that, I then begin to verbally trash the issues objectively without bias. When am done, I usually have this glee on my face and I reward myself later for straightening me out.

There are so many advantages of talking to your-self and they include, effective working of your brain from organized thoughts to increased clarity, enhanced learning, reduced stress, fostering of self-reliance and achievement of goals.

Do you know that Self-talk can help you reduce stress, increase your focus and boost your self –esteem. According to Dr Grace Tworek. PsyD self-talk is a healthy way to build motivation, calm nerves and analyze tricky situations. It’s a useful way to check in with yourself and organize your thoughts and feelings she says.

Psychologist Linda Sapadin reports that

“Saying your goals out loud focuses your attention, reinforces the message, controls your runaway emotions and screens out distractions.”
Linda Sapadin

As a matter of fact, as you spend time conversing with yourself, you tend to know yourself better. When you are at a cross road and need to really make a decision over a crucial matter, the best person to consult with first is your very self, because you alone can fathom you. That is the time to take a walk to the mirror and consult with your inner self, who alone can tell you the hard truth you need to know without flattering or pampering you. This is the you that will never lie to you, because this you know that the chips are down, and that it is either you sail or sink.

“The best gift you can give to yourself is to always talk and listen to you attentively”
Chinwe Esther Aganekwu

When you have truly listened to yourself and have come to terms with the real issue and the best way to navigate to safety, a certain calmness comes over you. You feel a heavy weight lift off your shoulder and you become more confident as you deal with the situation. At this time, you are more at ease with seeking counsel from people you think have the competence to advice you or confirm the choices you have arrived at after consulting your inner self. You actually feel happy knowing that in a world where people are so distracted and hardly listening, that you listened to your-self.

Franklin P. Jones said

“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening,”
Franklin P. Jones

I also like what Matt Duczeminski said about his mother

“My mother always says if she didn’t talk to herself, no one would listen to her”.
Matt Duczeminski

Those who live alone know exactly what I am talking about. When you are alone and have no one to talk to, you will soon learn how to talk with yourself. God is surely a wise God. He sure knows how terrible it could be to be alone and so warns man about its disadvantages. However circumstances of life can have one be all alone, not because they want to, but because it is the only available option.

Some people walked out of very damaging and poisonous relationships, while some have empty nests because of loss of spouses or grown up children leaving home to start their lives. With such a situation you will have no choice but to converse with yourself, and people those that do this are very normal and healthy.

Talking with one’s self however is not only for people living alone, most others who live with people also talk with and to themselves. People tend to unburden themselves as they speak out on issues that irk them. Instead of bottling things up or going to people with their deep secrets, they simply talk them over with themselves, you should try this. Some time it might be you coming to terms with your mistakes and owning up and so Chastise your-self for goofing badly, I do this often. It helps keep me in check as I avert future occurrences.

This is why when I see anyone talking with themselves any-where, I look at them with a certain respect because I know they have began a journey of self-appraisal. Does that mean that any one talking to themselves is having a self-appraisal, no, but at least these people are looking at their issues critically and discussing it to be able to come to terms with what is confronting them.

This is in itself is a therapy. Psycho-analysts agree to the fact that bottling things up can lead to ill health. Research from Southern Methodist University suggested that writing about traumatic experiences or undergoing talk therapy had a positive impact on a patient’s health and immune system. The study argues that holding back thoughts and emotions is stressful. The negative feelings people work so hard to repress taxes the brain and body, making them more prone to getting sick and feeling appalled.

According to Eric Ravenscraft in his article “Why Talking About Our Problems Helps So Much (and How to Do It)” said;

“In reality, your brain and body get a lot out of talking. When you are feeling very intense feelings — especially fear, aggression or anxiety — your amygdala is running the show. This is the part of the brain that, among other things, handles your fight or flight response. It is the job of the amygdala, and your limbic system as a whole, to figure out if something is a threat, devise a response to that threat if necessary, and store the information in your memory so you can recognize the threat later. When you get stressed or overwhelmed, this part of your brain can take control and even override more logical thought processes”.

Here is the catch, Research from U.C.L.A. suggests that putting your feelings into words — a process called “affect labeling” — can diminish the response of the amygdala when you encounter things that are upsetting. This is how, over time, you can become less stressed over something that bothers you. For example, if you got in a car accident, even being in a car immediately afterward could overwhelm you emotionally. But as you talk through your experience, put your feelings into words and process what happened, you can get back in the car without having the same emotional reaction “.

Wendy Rose Gould of Very Well Mind said that the reason we sometimes – or most times bottle up our emotions can vary, but they all seem to stem from a fear of vulnerability. Out of this fear, we react through self-protective emotional measures, says Dr Collen Mullen, Psyd, LMFT.

” Bottling up emotions provides a false sense of emotional safety. Though bottling up our emotions can feel like a good plan in the short term, doing so can adversely affect us in the following ways:

Puts strain on our mental health
Compromises our physical health
Impedes our social relationships.”

Sometimes I do not blame people for keeping things to themselves, because the way humans treat you after you have divulged your innermost secret is really dreadful and heart breaking. However, bottling up your problems is not good for your health as you can see above. But it is completely safe and healthy to talk to your-self for in doing so you are accessing all the enumerated benefits stated above.

But there is another huge benefit of having a conversation with your-self, and that is communing with the Holy Spirit. As Born Again Believers we understand this better because the moment we accept Christ as our Lord and Saviour, the new birth takes place with the Holy Spirit coming in to live in us. This is the seal we receive that we are Christ’s.

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory”
Ephesians 1:13 [NIV].

This Spirit whose role in our lives amongst many others ranges from helping us to counselling, comforting, guiding us etc. Oh how He yearns for a deep relationship/fellowship with us. When we take all our issues to Him, He is ever ready to listen and to have a candid conversation with us, proffering all the help we need if we let Him, because He never forces anything on us, neither will He give us counsel that will go contrary to the word of God.

To receive this Spirit now all you have to do is click on this link https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/the-sinners-prayer-4-examples.html Is it as easy as that you may be asking?, yes dear, it is, except that after the new birth it becomes your responsibility to allow the Holy Spirit clean up your life as you grow to be more like Christ who now indwells you.

To learn how to grow and be more like Christ, kindly click on this link https://www.momsonthegrow.com/role-of-the-holy-spirit/. Thank you for doing so.

So dear reader, it is the right time to have that candid conversation with your-self. I say to you again, the season to have that long awaited true talk with the you that you know more than any-body else is now. The time to tell yourself the truth about all the situation confronting you is now. I mean now, another delay is dangerous.

Most of the excuses we make in life that limit us and stop us from accomplishing incredible feats happen because we have not really confronted ourselves with the truth. The more excuses and be-causes we create get us no-where. They are simply self-limitations and hindrances that laziness and comfort enhances. Show me a very rich man that has sustained his wealth for decades, and I will show you a man who has toiled and labored unimaginable hours daily, while the poor and lazy sleep, play and drift around.

Most times we tend to place the blame of every misfortune or happenstance that we have had and still having on people or even things and never taking responsibility for how we would have contributed to the problems ourselves. The inability to own our faults, inadequacies and weaknesses has robbed many of a beautiful fulfilling life. Living in denial has lengthened the duration of major problems in people’s lives. If we can but pause and look closely at all the failures we have had in life, we will discover how we all have been the architect of our misfortunes. What is most amazing is that this self we are to consult has always been there yearning to talk over things with us before we deal.

This is indeed the advantage that Christians who have a relationship with the Holy Spirit have over those that do not. Like I said in part one, this inner self we are to converse with is actually the indwelling Spirit of God living in the inside of us waiting to be allowed to guide and guard us through life. If only we will strive to begin a relationship with this mighty helper, Guardian, Comforter, Counsellor, Mentor, Lover, Friend and Father our lives will be pleasurable.

Does it mean challenges will not come, of course they will but then you will be ahead of each one that comes and be prepared to wither the storm, triumphing over them always. This you, that you talk with that is the Holy Spirit inside of you will not only tell you the true situation of every thing you are going through but will provide guidance and teach you how to win and be triumphant no matter the intensity and severity of any issue you will be confronted with.

Thank you for reading thus far. In summary, am I saying that conversing with yourself alone will solve all of Life’s challenges?, definitely not, so my counsel is this; when you need wxpert advice and counsel get one.