Do you know that the easiest way to hurt someone especially a friend is through words? Many times we destroy relationships built over years because of poor choice of words spoken mostly in moments of anger. These venomous words spoken in unguarded moments most times have been stored in the inner recess of our minds consciously or unconsciously waiting for what will trigger their discharge. Some are done to get even or simply to put someone in their place as we say. The problem however is that once these words are out of our mouth we can no longer take them back; and no matter how long we apologise, the poisonous words have done a terrible damage that might take years to repair. Sometimes though, the damage done are irreparable because some people are not as forgiving as others.
I can never forget what a friend told me about twenty years ago. He said that one of the prayers he prays daily is that he should never come across any one that will not be able to forgive any wrong he will do to them. That was deep and I also began to pray that prayer, because as human, one is likely to offend others either in words or deed. The effect of this prayer is that it constantly reminds me to be cautious so that I do not hurt anyone intentionally.
Spoken words are so powerful that they can build and tear down as well. Most valuable life changing relationships we lost are because of how the words we spoke made people feel. It is not really so much of what we did not do but so much about what we said. Another friend narrating how he parted ways with his close friend told me that it was not about all he did to him but about the last thing he said to him. He said he felt very stupid for putting up with this friend’s weaknesses all these years his thinking he will change with time. “What a fool I was really”. He continued, “I thank God all that has ended as am better off today without the lecherous so called friend”. Nnnmmmhh
Looking back at some of the things we have said to people close to us in the past, I for one literary shudder. What is awful is that we actually set out to hurt people with those words to get back at them for hurting us. But what good will it do if we have to drag ourselves to the demeaning level of those that hurt us. Should we not set good examples and teach them the better way by responding to them with calming soothing words which actually deflects the effect of their hurt and gets them feeling guilty and bad for their misconduct. How I wish I know what I know now then, I would have responded better and might have redeemed some lost relationships. Well it is never too late to begin to practice the truth one knows. The results are amazing and very rewarding. I know better now, Thank you Jesus.
An adage in my place says that ;
“Today is early, just start what you have been awakened to for that is your own beginning in God’s timing for you”.
If we all begin today to put in practice all the lifesaving and nurturing skills we know, the world will be a better place to live in.
These are some of the words or phrases you should try not to use for they have damaging effects over time.
- I told you so
- If not for me you will not be where you are
- That is what you did the other time
- Good for you
- You really messed up this time
- What is wrong with you
- You must be high on something
- Damn! you are so fat, you must loose some weight
- How come you are this skinny, please put some weight on
- You are on your own oo
- Who cares
- Do your worse
- What can you do
- You are not my mother or as Nigerians will say in pidgin English ‘you don become my mama abi?’
- How did I even meet someone like you
- I don’t even know why am still with you
- It’s really time to end this
Then again, no matter how angry you are, strive to avoid using these destructive curse words or phrases
- You are just an idiot
- You are stupid, infact very stupid
- You are just a dummy
- You are no good
- You are pathetic
- Shut up my friend
- Will you just shut up
- I regret meeting you
- The F words; F… You, F… off etc
- Get out of my sight
- You disgust me
- You are just a disgrace
- You can never amount to much
It is really terrible what we say to people in our lives. It is equally troubling what we say to ourselves and worse still to our children. In moments of anger we even place curses on ourselves, other people including our spouses and children in moments of anger and frustration.
We must from now never allow ourselves to be tempted to speak damaging and destructive words of any kind to ourselves, people in our lives and even strangers. Trying to do these by our self-will can be very daunting but with the help of the Holy Spirit we can be empowered to do better and sustain it.
To be filled with the holy spirit you will have to know the person of the Lord Jesus Christ who will not only come into your life but will fill you with His Holy Empowering Spirit that enables you do all things. To meet the lord and be filled with His spirit, kindly follow this link. https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/the-sinners-prayer-4-examples.html
Looking at the bible which is a believer’s manual to living a godly life, one sees how words can either be used to build or tear down lives. We must train ourselves to use our words to build and not destroy. Memorizing these scriptures and meditating on them daily has helped me tame my tongue and you should try doing that. Remember this popular saying in the bible:
“And the tongue is [in a sense] a fire, the very world of injustice and unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our members as that which contaminates the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life [the cycle of man’s existence], and is itself set on fire by [b]hell (Gehenna). For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and sea creatures, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the human tongue; it is a restless evil [undisciplined, unstable], full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God”. [Jas 3: 6-9 AMP]
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer every one”. [Col 4:6 RSV]
“Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak]”. Eph 4”29 AMP]
“When there are many words, transgression and offense are unavoidable,
But he who controls his lips and keeps thoughtful silence is wise”.[Pro 10:19 AMP]
“A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life,
But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit”.
[Pro 18:4]
“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity”. [Pro 21:23]
“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips”. [Ps 141:3]
Never be the reason some one is sad and hurting, rather be the reason many smile and are happy. The world already has enough problem of its own, corona and all.
In the next post we will look at practical ways to tame our tongues so we can speak edifying words that build up and not tear down.
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